COLUMNS
Could You Be a Murderer?- July 17, 2010
a column by Karyn Alexander
A gun? A drug? Your own hands?
Maybe. But more likely with your mouth.
Words kill.
I had an experience recently where I was invited to a dinner. It was a beautiful night, still sunny outside, warm, and thank God, Friday. TGIF!
The dinner location was about an hour from my home, and the invitation from a friend who wanted me to meet a close friend of his with similar life situations as mine. He thought we would have a lot in common. The three of us had endured a long stressful month and needed a nice break, so we took this opportunity to join together for a meal.
Upon arriving, at first glance the friend of my friend seemed pleasant enough. He was handsome, middle aged, and worked as a doctor. He was strong, intelligent and he meant to help what he thought was a problem: my problem. I guess he is a fix-it kind of guy.
Funny thing, I thought I was going out for a nice evening to relax. No! I discovered that I was in the middle of an ambush. The man felt compelled to critically analyze my life and bring forth what he thought was wisdom. I had not asked for this opinion and never gave permission to be anyone’s project, so you can imagine my surprise. I guess that is the element of a good bushwhacking. What transpired over the next few hours was not only surprising, but deadly. The deadliest part for me was the condescending way in which this man used critical words.
Harsh words, judgment, and a superior attitude slaughtered my spirit and heart. I initially thought I should defend myself, but after a time, I realized this bushwhacker was completely unaware of his murderous style and not a person to reason with. I decided to try changing the subject, which worked temporarily, but ultimately the “game on” style of relating prevailed.
After finishing dinner that evening – and even as much as two weeks later – I still felt the pain of the brazen attack on my life and heart.
Oh Lord! Haven’t we all done this in one way or another? We have showered someone with our wisdom when really what they needed was an ear to hear or a heart to give mercy, and perhaps even a helping hand. We assume we are in a more spiritually, politically, or socially enlightened place, so we go to work, fixing all of one’s ills.
Can any of us remember the Ten Commandments? One of the ten is, “Thou shall not kill.” We know what murder of the body means, and some readers may have even committed this crime. In the gospel book of Matthew, we read Jesus’ words that take murder to another level. He says if you even call your brother a fool, you have murdered.
Wow, that seems extreme, at least on paper when I read it. In person, I am sure as I am a witness and you might be one, too: words can kill.
How many of us were told we would never achieve anything; we were told we are fat or ugly, dumb or worthless? It is amazing how beautiful words can heal and lift and, conversely, how a sharp tone or a strong word can hurt.
After my experience at dinner, I immediately prayed to God and repented of any past unkind words or unsolicited opinions I had thrust onto others. I prayed that whomever I had spoken harshly to would be healed of any pain I might have caused. I asked God to help me never to commit murder: not with my mouth, mind, or in a physical way.
I believe murder starts in our heart, moves to our mind, then to our mouth, or even physically becomes an action. We are all capable of murder. That is why it is one of the top Ten Commandments. We are warned because, inherently, we have a proclivity to committing it. It was even prevalent in the first family. Adam and Eve’s own son killed his brother. It started there and has been a problem for us ever since.
The night of my murder – that fateful dinner date – I decided to forgive the perpetrator’s actions. It took the better part of a couple of weeks to actually achieve this. Emotional damage had been done. I kept replaying the words and watching this man’s degrading body language as it pertained to my reactions toward his advice.
Remember Mary Queen of Scotts? She became known as Bloody Mary, due to the amount of killing she enacted upon her own countrymen. Thinking she was fully justified, she slaughtered plenty of them at whim. As with Mary Queen of Scotts, I wondered how many other newly acquainted people this man had slaughtered with his words.
Can we only imagine what harsh words might do to a loved one? Long-term criticism can destroy trust, friendship, and love. In children, we see the effects of verbal abuse as it renders a child helpless to succeed. Maybe we adults are a grown-up version of this scenario, where damage has been done, so we do more damage unknowingly. We all know the saying, “Hurt people, hurt people.”
In the book of Psalms, I read this verse: “A soft answer turns away wrath.”
Let’s practice this advice instead of using reactionary words that cause pain. Let’s think before we speak. Let us not assume we know what others need and slaughter them with judgment rather than real help.
Forgiveness: a word defining a state of the heart. Forgiveness is difficult in the case of murder. It is impossible to forgive this crime unless we understand the mercy of God.
In the Lord’s Prayer we read: forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us. It’s a cycle. Sometimes we are the murderer and sometimes we get murdered. This indicates to me that we have the potential to do harm and the available help to repent and then the power to forgive.
The tongue has the power of life and death. I support life. How about you?
Karyn Alexander
Executive Director, Winfield House (windfieldhouse.org)
KarynBAlexander@aol.com
Winfield House brings the good news of Jesus in a practical way, giving hope to God’s people.
Voice of the Nations: Rev. 5:9 “With your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe, people, language and nation.”
Send questions or comments to: KarynBAlexander@aol.com
