Changes and More Changes: “Innocence of a Child”
by Kristina Stegman
June 2008
You hear stories of people transforming into new, better people all the time. You listen to speakers at schools tell of these stories, you watch documentaries, and you read books. To those listening, these stories have a beginning, middle and end. For example, a man grows up in a bad neighborhood and gets addicted to drugs. This man is put in jail.This man is then released as a whole new person, one of integrity, faith, and compassion. As a short synopsis, this is the story of De’Ron Smith: drugs, jail, and release. But, as his life story is told on the pages of Innocence of a Child, there is much more than these three short segments. There are struggles. Downfalls. Failures. Mistakes made over and over again that never seem to end.
What most people, including myself, don’t realize is the theme of repetition present in the life of an addict. When reading De’Ron’s story, I came to comprehend the constant, aggravating battle between telling yourself it is time for change and actually changing. Words and action are two separate realms that you pray, as you read, to intersect. Of course, in the early stages of De’Ron’s life story, he wished to make changes dealing with his grades and making his mother happy. As the book proceeds, the changes begin to deal with crack cocaine and his wife and child.
I can’t tell you how many times I read a line similar to this: “The productive track of life I desired to ride on was finally beginning to take me to my destination! So I thought.” The key is that final phrase, “So I thought.” He thought time and time again that it was the end, but it never was. After a few failures, any chance of hope or faith is strained. No matter how badly I wanted to believe this statement was true, it never was. This quote was taken from page 61, and then 200 pages later, De’Ron is writing once again, “It was my desire to do something different, to live differently, to act differently and to make a difference.” I lost count of how many times he mentioned these words on the pages between. How many times he honestly tried to stay true to them, yet failed; over and over again. Repetition.
This theme of repetition resulted in annoyance and a lack of trust for the reader. When it was near the beginning of the novel and De’Ron mentioned it was time for change, I believed him. It was time to stop using drugs and find a job. At this point, I had no reason not to trust that he would do just that. After he failed two or three more times, my opinions started to change. It was somewhat difficult as a reader to continually be disappointed time and time again. I even began getting angry with De’Ron. He began pulling other people into his problematic life, such as his wife and child. I reached a point where I saw no end to his struggle. Me! The Reader! I nearly gave up hope and shut the book. So, take one second to imagine De’Ron’s life. Imagine the struggle from De’Ron’s perspective.
If it weren’t for De’Ron telling himself to change and to head in the other direction, then no one would have. His mother was his sole source of any attention and love, and she wasn’t around most of the time. If he hadn’t told himself to change as many times as he had, I’m not sure it would have ever happened. If I as a reader doubted the transformation, I can’t imagine what was going on in De’Ron’s head through the struggle. Day in and day out, he had to live knowing that a drug was his only source of happiness in his life. He lived roughly thirty years of his life knowing nothing but a life of drugs, women, and abuse.
Although this was all De’Ron had experienced, he knew there was more to life. He grew up in a house of an angry, abusive father. His main role models were homeless people on the streets. His older siblings showed him different ways to smoke weed instead of teaching him how to play baseball. He knew there was a greener side to all of this. De’Ron knew happiness was real, but acquiring it was the problem.
Taking note of this constant repetition to change, change, and change allowed me to see the circumstances as De’Ron himself. It is clear change isn’t easy. It is not enough to just say the words because if that were the case, De’Ron would have been clean on page 60. There is more than just a beginning, middle, and end to a story of this kind. There is much beneath the surface, but until one comes to this knowledge, there are solely three stages, nothing more. Innocence of a Child goes beneath the surface and reveals a hidden message. A message that I’m sure De’Ron himself has even yet to fully understand. How can he fail so many times, yet turn his life around? Faith.
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